My Name is Fred!

Hey all you fellow male motorcyclists, read on for a laugh. . .

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.' Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.

The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?' The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.'

I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD.

After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD. Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred.'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

29000 Men Comment
If there’s a moral to this story, it’s to make certain to check your equipment, and that includes checking your PSA annually to make sure you don’t lose the powder for your Johnson.

Joke compliments of the da. . .King!

Rock Store Training Ride

Riding “Dave” is always fun; the challenge is finding the time. I need to get with it, though, as I am only a bit over six months away from riding the Tour de USA 2010 for prostate cancer awareness. The ride covers 7,667.9 miles, Los Angeles to Washington, DC and back, by way of the annual gathering at Sturgis, SD in early August.

My weekend’s training ride went from Manhattan Beach to the famous Rock Store on Mullholland Highway, Cornell, California. It was a fairly short ride of just over a hundred miles, but we rode there via Pacific Coast Highway and up Decker and Encinal Canyons. Great ride, and a few thrills when you hit a 180 degree turn just a bit too fast and hear your foot peg talking to you.

My riding partner, Hog-nut Mike, was kind enough to take a few pictures while I was busy handing out information on this summer’s Tour de USA® for prostate cancer, which we believe will be the longest motorcycle charity rally in history. Details at http://www.tourdeusa.org.

Finding Sponsors is Really Hard!

The gals are just most clever than I am. I've been trying for six months now to find sponsors for the Tour de USA to gain some attention for prostate cancer and, nada, rein, nichts, zip, nothin'. Either I'm terrible at this, or no one really cares about prostate cancer unless they personally get tagged with it. In the meantime, the gals come up with the "What Color is Your Bra" campaign that sweeps Facebook in a week. A British friend suggested we counter with a "How Large is Your Wanker," but I'm not sure that would have the same effect. Men are a natural constituency for breasts, we pretty much venerate and cherish them. Is our manly equipment just too prosaic and functional to get this kind of any attention? Maybe it's time to get a few more "Full Monty" teams in action. After all, Michelangelo's David (a copy) stands in the Palazzo Vecchio baring all.

Official Tour Slogan for the Tour de USA

Hi All:

I’ve been looking for a way to capture guys attention about the Tour de USA. Here’s our spokesperson; shall we give her a name?

Keep that rubber side down.

Route Map - Tour de USA 2010

It’s been a few days since I posted. I had arthroscopic knee surgery two weeks ago and that derailed me for a bit, but the knee feels great. The surgery was done at Kerlan-Jobe in Los Angeles and these guys are fantastic! I rode Dave for the first time today. Nice to be back in the saddle.

Here’s the map of the Tour de USA 2010 for prostate cancer awareness. More details will be following shortly, including a detailed day-by-day route listing, including stops. The Tour de USA 2010 registration site on the web will go live in December. Pass the word to your riding colleagues. I’m hoping to see every kind of motorcycle ever made (and still running) on this ride.

Go to http://www.tourdeusa.org and get on the mailing list for details.

Remember to test and track your PSA annually. Watch for the coming campaign to name our spokeswoman!

Hog-Nuts, Diapers, and Parking Tickets

This weekend’s little Harley breakfast jaunt wound up at the Sidewalk Cafe in Venice , California, for coffee and brunch. Not much of a training ride, I’m afraid, but fun nonetheless. We collectively missed the parking restriction and individually received a $50 parking ticket. One parking space; three Hogs; three tickets. But the guy in diaper got away clean. Where’s the justice in that?:-) Life is Wonderful.

Where's that Pesky Shifting Peg? It was Here Just a Moment Ago.

Just completed a skills training ride with my local HOG chapter, LA#1 HOG, to the Sagebrush Cantina in Calabasas, California. It was another beautiful southern California day and everyone was zipping along the freeway. Imagine my surprise as I moved the toe of my boot to upshift to fifth gear and my boot went through thin air. I looked down and there was the shift lever with no shift peg! So, just a bit of practice and I was able to shift down by pushing down with the heel of my boot on the top of the lever. Upshifting was doable, but took a bit more contortion to get the toe of my boot under the lever. We stopped for a break and, amazingly, one of the guys had a spare peg in his saddlebag. I stopped at Bartel’s Harley in Venice on the way home and I now have two spare pegs in my saddlebags. My experience as an Army helicopter pilot should have reminded me that unless the bolts on vibrating things are secured with cotter pins or loctite and slippage marks, they will come loose at some point. So, my “pre-flgiht” will be more complete and loctite is now in my bags. 11 months before I launch on the Tour de USA for prostate cancer awareness. Check out our website at TourdeUSA.org.

Outfitting my Dyna Low Rider

I’m in the process of evaluating the equipment I need for the trip, which will take about 30 days and cover 7,200 miles. Saddlebags are item number one. I’m reviewing what is available at Harley-Davidson and other vendors. It seems to me that the degree of waterproofing may be more important than capacity.

Help Coordinating the Tour de USA 2010

We now have the general route plan for the trip. It will include two days at the 2010 Sturgis event. We are looking for a work-from-home Mom or someone who is retired to help with event coordination. Contact us at TourdeUSA2010@29000men.org.

Walker Cafe, Point Fermin, California

Prostate cancer is highly curable if caught early. Remember to establish a baseline PSA test at age 40 (35 if you are at high risk) and track your PSA value year-over-year. See your doctor right away if the number is rising. Visit the Prostate Cancer Awareness Project for more information.

My wife, Melissa, and I took Dave III out for an initial brunch run down to beautiful Point Fermin in San Pedro, California. On the south side of the park you'll find the Walker Cafe. A quaint little sandwich shop that caters to park visitors and Harley riders. The sun is wonderful and the bikes are quite the site. If you live in the LA area, company is always welcome on these brunch ride.

Remember: Test. Track. Treat. and Live.

Iron Horse Hotel

I haven't yet finalized a lot of the details about the 2010 Prostate Cancer Tour de USA, but I do know that I will be staying at the Iron Horse Hotel as I pass through Milwaukee. I discovered this unique venue as I passed through the online pages of Ultimate Motorcycling. If you are in Milwaukee in June 2010, let's meet for a beer at the Iron Horse Hotel.

Ben Serotta or Harley-Davidson?

I just received some unfortunate news. It seems that I have managed to tear the meniscus in my left knee while running. So, I'm now in the process of trying to sequence arthroscopic surgery and the rehabilitation period into my schedule in time to do the Tour de USA next year. It could be that the first Tour de USA will be by Harley-Davidson and the second by bicycle - my trusty Serotta Davis Phinney. The important aspect of the trip, however, is creating a bit of buzz and getting men thinking about the importance of testing for prostate cancer. For information about prostate cancer and my personal journey, visit my blog at www.29000men.blogpsot.com. Send me an email if you would like to be part of the Tour de USA 2010 for prostate cancer awareness.

Serotta or Harley-Davidson Dyna Lowrider

I just received some unfortunate news. It seems that I have managed to teat the meniscus in my left knee while running. I'm now in the process of trying to sequence arthroscopic surgery and the rehabilitation period into my schedule in time to do the Tour de USA next year. It could be that the first Tour de USA will be by Harley-Davidson and the second by bicycle. The important aspect of the trip, however, is creating a bit of buzz and getting men thinking about the importance of testing for prostate cancer. For information about prostate cancer and my personal journey, visit www.29000men.blogpsot.com. Send me an email if you would like to be part of the Tour de USA 2010 for prostate cancer awareness.

Track Your Training Program Online

The President's Challenge, a program of the President's Council on Physical Fitness, has a great little Internet tool for tracking all sorts of physical fitness activity.

Just go to http://www.PresidentsChallenge.com, create an account and you are on your way. If you want to see how I'm preparing for the Tour de USA in 2010, just become part of the Prostate Cancer Prevention Project group, and you will be track your program against everyone else.

The Prostate Cancer Awareness (Prevention) Project is an official advocate organization for The President's Challenge. It took me just over a year to reach the Gold level of 160,000 points. The top level, Platinum, requires 1,000,000, Yes, one (1) million points! But, that's exactly the number of points each participant should have when the Tour de USA finishes at Yorktown, Virginia in August 2010. I am looking for 19 prostate cancer survivors who want to make the trip of a lifetime. To put your hat in the ring, send me an email at Robert.Hess@ProstateCancerPreventionProject.org.